24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize