your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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