Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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