remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
