no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize