She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
