Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
