why didn't you poke me back
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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