Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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