Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How's work?
Spinning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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