My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
