naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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