I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
