I cockslap morals
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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