K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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