i was born a porn star she said
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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