Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
