the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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