She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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