look no pants
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize