he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
