singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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