If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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