Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
