Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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