I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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