just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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