first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
