I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
