he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
