Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
