besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
