You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
