I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
