You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
