fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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