i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
