If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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