you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
