She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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