So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize