dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
