I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize