Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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