mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize