she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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