Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
