All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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