I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize