dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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