handjob tips. give me some.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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