I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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