How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
