I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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