i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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