Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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