every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
