Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
