Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
