sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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