I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
