You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
