Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
