We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
