you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my shit smells like andre
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize