A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she smelled like a LAN party
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
