This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
