I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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